What is the most offensive joke ever? Here are twenty answers to that question along with a little something extra at the end, in my list of the 20 funniest ever offensive jokes:
(If you have ever been upset or offended by humor of any kind please do not read any further. This list includes racist jokes, sexist jokes, jokes about paedophilia etc).
- Q: What’s the difference between Santa Claus and a Jew?
A: Santa Claus goes down the chimney. - Q:What’s the best thing about having sex with twenty eight year olds?
A: There’s 20 of them. - Q: How do you get an one-armed Irishman down from a tree?
A: Wave to him. - Q: What do you call a barn filled with black people?
A: Antique farm equipment. - Q: Why don’t they teach drivers ed and sex ed on the same day in Afghanistan?
A: The camel would get too tired. - Q: Why are trees so close in Harlem?
A: Public transportation. - Q. How is getting your girlfriend pregnant like locking your keys out of your car?
A. The problem is easily solved with a coathanger. - Q Whats the worst thing about a gang rape?
A Being last. - Q: What’s the hardest part of a cabbage to eat?
A: The wheelchair - Q:What’s the worst thing about 4 Muslim guys going off a cliff in an Escalade?
A: Escalade can seat 6 - Q: What’s see-through and lies in the gutter?
A: A Pakistani with the shit kicked out of him - Q: How many Irishmen does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two, one to hold the bulb and the other to drink til the room spins. - Q: A fire-fighter was working on the 12th floor of the World Trade Center when it collapsed, what was the last thing to go through his head?
A: The 13th floor. - Q: Why do Jewish women like their men circumcised?
A: They always want 20% off something. - Q: How do we know what shampoo princess diana used?
A: Because her head and shoulders was found all over the dash board. - Q: Whats blue and fucks grannys?
A: Hypothermia - Q: What do you call a black woman who has had 9 abortions?
A: A Crime fighter - A man enters a pharmacy and asks for birth control pills for his wife and his seven year-old daughter. The pharmacist is a little shocked and says, “Your seven year-old daughter is sexually active!”
“No,” replies the man. “She just sort of lays there.” - I used to be into sadism, necrophilia and bestiality.
But I gave it up cos I always felt like I was flogging a dead horse. - An Indian man dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.
“Yes, how can I help?” asks St Peter.
“I’m here to meet Jesus,” says the Indian man.
St Peter looks over his shoulder and shouts, “Jesus, your cab is here!”
And here is a little something extra, cos you know I always like to go above and beyond – its a video of British comedian Jimmy Carr trying to find the most offensive joke ever based on the reaction of the audience.
#16 – Should be Hypothermia not Hyperthermia.
16: Hypothermia, not Hyperthermia. There’s a massive difference!
“cos” is NOT a word…
B-E-C-A-U-S-E
Q:What’s the worst thing about 4 Muslim guys going off a cliff in an Escalade?
A: Escalade can seat 6
Wrong…
More like…..
A: Hannah wasn’t among them
Why would HANNAH be included in a group of muslim GUYS?
I boinged your mother, boinged isn’t a word but you get what I did to her right?
I liked the post, and I don’t want to go grammar nazi (offensive?) like Hannah, but I would point out that “hypothermia” is a lack of heat, and “hyperthermia” is too much heat. The granny joke only makes sense with the first, not the second.
This is NOT okay.
Whoever compiled these “jokes” needs to seriously re-evaluate their life.
Times have changed and this stuff isn’t funny anymore.
Grow the fuck up.
This is NOT okay.
Whoever is offended by these “jokes” needs to seriously go elsewhere.
Times have changed and if you don’t like what you see; shut your eyes.
Calm the fuck down.
Rebecca-
Your statement was contradictory. The fact that times HAVE changed and ARE changing is the very reason why this page should immediately be removed from the internet. There is a difference between freedom of speech that is bettering our nation and freedom of speech that is causing our nation to regress and that is hurtful and harmful to certain ethnic, racial, and gender groups. As a multicultural nation we should promote the acceptance of minorities and should represent them properly rather than berating them with repulsive, demeaning humor such as this. I’d like to think that racism and sexism are generally behind us, but after reading this and seeing your comment I guess they truly aren’t.
Sorry, I meant ‘Rebeca’, the person who commented on the initial post.
Get a fucking grip, the title says jokes, these jokes don’t represesnt any real hatred to people if they do then you are in fact the one being offensive as most people who read them are not racist or intolerant
Rebeca.. Seriously, fuck niggers and Jews.
Ok ethics committee.Who decides what freedom of speech should be in the determination of right and wrong?healthy and not healthy?For instance,I think that fuck is unhealthy free speech (as you used it).However,I do enjoy the phrase,”shut the fuck up you moron save the world fucking dumbass douchebag” And then there is the issue of tourettes…What about those people? or is it folks?Some people might get offended by the word folks.Then again some folks get offended by the word people.Fuckit,both those words are unhealthy free speech too…shit.I like racism,and sexism and humanism.If we derived from apes we are still baseline animals at best,right?These freedoms of speech and the right as being born of human to say whatever the absolute fuck I wish to say and joke about whatever I find funny in my own perceptions tells me clearly that I am at the very least not an animal and not from ape.If I were from apes I suppose I’d have no comment to your (acting outside of ape-hood and being judgmental)and would have to deal with you as another ape would.by biting your face off.
So my simple question is this, would you rather suffer through a few,not so funny to you,jokes….or have your face bitten off? personally,I like the jokes.
Molly,
If you are the type of person that takes jokes like these seriously then, 1) don’t go to a page titled “The Most Offensive Jokes Ever,” 2) don’t read the jokes, and 3) you should probably just stop using the internet altogether. The internet has something for everyone and there are people that find this stuff enjoyable and I’m sure there are other websites out there that you might enjoy even though you seem like you take everything seriously which brings me back to my point above, just stop using the internet entirely. I realize that you’re probably a troll trying to incite an argument because I don’t think that anyone is stupid enough to think that leaving a comment like yours on a page like this would sway the minds of any of this page’s audience, let alone convince the poster to take it down. Therefore, fuck off.
are you fucking serious, this is the internet, if you dont like it then click the fuck on something else. im not racist but just to piss you off becky, fuck niggers, jews, and the polish, oh and black people too. and grammer police go fahk yerselfs. we got the fucking idea, we dont need fucking bored ass trolls to waste space for a funny reply with your shit. now to piss u guyz ohff, injoy thes lastest centence lul.
Shut up you fucking idiot
Actually, these jokes will always be funny, and you are the one who needs to grow up. Because if you can’t laugh at yourself. You’re a horrible uptight person who is the leading cause of problems in the world. Only when people can get the sticks out of their asses and take things in stride or even find humor in them, will people really get along.
Really, because I laughed. I must have been wrong then, thanks so much for correcting me with regard to what I find funny.
Yea…its still funny
You need to get a life and enter the real world, these jokes are ace.lol antique farm equipment wicked.
stop being a goody 2shoes.
i busted out laughing at that one i couldnt hold it in anymore at that point
These are supposed to be offensive. That was the point of this post.
The 9/11 one was the best one.
Also it’s HYPOthermia not HYPERthermia
Hyperthemia is not blue. It is excessive heat in a human body. I believe you’re talking about hypothermia, which is the lack of heat. I wnce every tme soeone makes a stupid mistake like this (I’m a bit of a know-it-all).
Dammit, I mean wince. I’m still getting used to my new keyboard, sorry!
I wince every time somebody typos, But I guess I’m sort of a good typist. In any case, I’m just poking fun.
Damn it* and someone*
*asterisk goes before the correction, not after. Unless you’ve got a footnote I should be looking for.
Dammit- a contracted form of damn it, dammit.
for number two, “28″ should be written out as “twenty eight” ..it works for both parts of the joke.
You spelled HYPOthermia wrong. HYPERthermia is a condition caused by excessive exposure to HEAT.
Picking out a particular race to be depicted as being violently attacked and then showing sense of satisfaction is not a joke. It is just pure and simple race hatred. Most of these are simply dated and now unfunny many others should make us ashamed.
This is a post without any redeeming features.
really? your post offends me. I am offended that in this day and age, when all of you liberals are claiming we should be more open. That you can’t accept that this is a post of jokes. Not some guy rallying the Klan meeting. As soon as you stop fighting for equality at the expense of humor and when its convenient for you, you’ll be much better company, I promise.
Amen brother
you are a human being without any redeeming features
1) You are an unfunny twat.
2) Most of these jokes are not race-dependent, and can easily have the race or demographic swapped while still being offensively hilarious. Like the Escalade joke.
sorry i’m late, was she being a twat again?
lol, perhaps we both were a bit, but I’m still not going to change to ‘cos’ even though it is entirely wrong.
Thanks for the corrections guys, I’ve changed numbers 2 and 16 to remove the stupid errors you pointed out.
Number 7 should be “lock your keys IN your car”. Theres a simple solution if you lock your keys out of your car…
For those to the West of the pond – I believe “cabbage” is the UK equivalent of “vegetable”.
I’m glad some people are outraged by these jokes…because fuck some people.
It’s good to push the envelope:
What’s the difference between a table and a dead baby?
You can’t fuck a table.
How do you get a dog to stop humping your leg?
Pick him up and suck his dick.
If that doesn’t seem offensive enough you can change the first part to “How did Jesus get the dog to stop humping his leg?”
First of all these are all hilarious. Bravo. But #7 If you manage to lock your keys OUT of your car, scraping a baby out of your girlfriend should be priority number 1, because the world doesn’t need anyone else that dumb walking around.
Thank you, this site has just given me quite a lot new ABP custom filters. Now it looks really nice and uncluttered without the adds, pop ups, bars and widgets.
We don’t have pop ups and try to make the ands unobstrusive. But do you realise that it does actually cost money to run a website? Quite a lot of money actually, if you want it to be good and run well without super-slow page loads and other problems. Be fair.
I don’t know what he’s on about. I run an adblocker, but shut it off for sites I visit often unless the ads are annoying. I don’t see a single ad on this page that merits any whinging.
Here’s the most offensive one I know:
What’s good about doing a 4 year old girl?
You can turn her over and pretend it’s a boy…
I know, I know.
Q. How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit?
A. 9 months
hehehehe, love it.keep em coming.
How do you get a gay man to fuck your grandmother?
-Shit in her cunt
I used to be a necrophiliac, until some rotten cunt split on me….
What is the difference between menstrual blood and sand?
- You cant gargle sand.
What’s better than being in the special olympics?
- Not being a cripple.
What is the definition of an abortion?
- Good on toast
They forgot the worst joke that I know.Whats the best part about having sex with a six year old girl?When your done you can turn her over and pretend its a six year old boy.
Sorry,Ran I didn’t see that you posted the same joke earlier.
I know you told me not to read further. But jokes about rape are NOT funny AT ALL. Neither is killing of ANYONE, and neither is RACISM. Young people could be reading this if they “stumbled” upon it. What kind of message are you trying to send to the world? These are the things that tear people apart. This is not funny, but just sick. If you had a mind to, put something enjoyable up for the majority of people who might “stumble” upon this on accident. Thanks.
I’m pretty sure his message to the world is that it is cool and funny become a serial killer/rapist.
Shut up Meg
You’re right. Jokes about rape and killing and racism aren’t funny. They’re hilarious.
I’m really glad I stumbled upon this site.
I think I’m gonna go murder and then rape some people, now. Thanks internet!
Honestly, these were pretty funny. 1) they’re called offensive jokes for a reason, what did you expect? to not be offended? 2) you still read them anyway 3) if you didn’t laugh and got angry it’s probably because you saw “offensive” and wanted something to whine about 4) you can’t change someone’s sense of humor because you don’t find it funny, if you don’t find it funny, move on, you know who you are right? don’t need to tell us who we are, we already know! We’re sick twisted people who find this shit funny and don’t give a shit if you don’t, and it doesn’t make us bad people either!
What’s the worst part of eating bald pussy? Putting the diaper back on!
-what’s the difference between a trampoline and a dead baby?
-you take your boots off before you jump on the trampoline.
-how many dead baby’s does it take to paint a house?
-depends on how hard you throw them.
-why are ALL these jokes funny?
-because I hate niggers, minorities, dead babies and stuck up bitches who have a problem with their sence of humor, get a fucking life you trolls go be miserable somewhere else!
What’s long, black, and smells like shit?
– Why The unemployment line.
How do you stop a group of black guys from raping a white girl?
– Throw a basketball at them.
Why do all black guys cry during sex?
– Because of all the pepper spray.
Why don’t you run over the black kid riding a bicycle?
– It’s probably your bike.
Seriously though, I’m not racist. I’ve got black people in my family tree. If you don’t believe me you can go check, they’re still hanging there.
These jokes suck. They couldve at least been funny.
Why do niggers dance so well?
They spend the first nine months of their lives dodging coat hangers.